Remember a perfectly rational conversation with someone when you asked them to do something for you?

Ever had that nagging feeling you either weren’t going to get the result you wanted, or it would be late, off the mark or just not up to standard? Worse still, ever felt that ultimately, you knew you were going to have to step-in, even though you REALLY didn’t want to?

There’s a reason delegation isn’t taught in schools. If it was, nobody would pass the class. Even for leaders that do it routinely, often there’s still the issue of quality in the outcome. Why?

People are funny bastards, that’s why. I’ve seen a lot, from the junior levels up to leading senior teams. Been there, seen it, delegated it. Wish I hadn’t. It took me a long time to learn that it all starts with not focusing on yourself. I used to think;

“Why can’t I delegate better? What do I need to say or do differently?”  And the internet is FULL or articles about being direct, clear, concise. This, sadly, is only a small part of the equation and NOT where your focus needs to reside entirely.

This resource has been created in a general sense to cover the core concepts of how to take that desire for an action in your brain and have it register in a place of value with someone else. I’ll cover examples, techniques and there will be exercises to get you thinking. It’s not a silver bullet, nor a replacement for professional coaching. However, whether you’re an experienced senior leader or not, I hope you gain some self-perspective on how you lead and can make some changes for the better.

Digest and appreciate the concepts here, then work to integrate the formulas into your own framework.

Disclaimer – This article is written for general education and informational purposes only. It is not to be considered, or used in lieu of, any specific personal, professional or financial advice.

How to use this article 

Carefully. Take your time. 

Throughout there are exercises and tasks plus topics to reflect on. Come back to this over several days and consider keeping it as a resource. Do not rush this work as the toolkit for a leader to delegate well is built over time, no “how-to guide” can or should replace the work done to develop your abilities with people. Also, if you’re looking more for help on getting an entire team or group of people bought into your vision, also check out my other article on this topic.

Above all, try not to take yourself too seriously or do this all in your own head. Nothing replaces talking through your development with your coach or mentor.

A further word of advice – Don’t overthink it!

Although it can seem complex, delegation comes down to just a few things. Master these and you’re in. The broad topics to get a handle on are;

• Appreciating someone’s opinion of us
• Understanding their self interest 
• Successfully having them comprehend whatever the bloody hell we’re talking about

That’s it. 

The more you understand each of these areas, the better. Some are more powerful than others, but they all play off each other in a live situation.

So, let’s explore!

What do people really think of me?

This is the big one, make no mistake. You can have a selfless, eager to please person in front of you who is normally always wanting to help others. They can benefit too from your request and you’ve communicated it crystal clear.

What could go wrong, right?

But if they think you’re a twat, are they likely to do this well? Doubtful. And even if they did, your needs would be way down their priority order. Remember that people will do things fluidly and consistently for those they respect. If they like you that’s a bonus, but without respect it all falls down.

Think about it.

If Gandhi had called you on a Sunday morning when you’d have rather loafed in bed and asked you to help with something, most likely you would have agreed. Why? 

Because of your opinion of him. Even if you didn’t fully understand, there was nothing in it for you and you weren’t sure if you could fully handle it, you’d WANT to try. And that’s the difference. The outcome here is to set the space where people WANT to help you. Not that they have to, that they want to. That’s the goal. When someone is “bought in” fully to you, the rest is easy. That all starts with respect.

What builds respect?

This varies by situation, but there are themes. One of the main ones is that of shared values, intent or experience that forms a rapport between people.

In the armed forces, ask any Private and they often respect their corporal or sergeant more than their Commanding Officer. Why? Because they have a direct relationship. They relate to them.

When you were at school, was there a teacher or two that you thought more of? I’d bet this is for a reason you can’t quite put your finger on, but it’s usually based on the fact that at some point they demonstrated a genuine interest in you.

It wasn’t their position, their background, or talents. 

These help us form an opinion of someone and we can like them easily enough, but to respect them, there normally has to be a genuine personal give and take or a feeling that they have our best interest at heart. 

This is partly how leaders such as Obama can captivate a room where they know nobody in it, they radiate an attitude of confidence, but also deep and valued consideration for others.

In the workplace, where people aren’t bound by their “Command Officer” or Headmaster, this becomes all the more relevant. People have choices, they demand different things from leaders and if they don’t get what they need, they move on. 

When talent keeps leaving, I promise you, it’s the quality of their relations with their leaders that is the main cause.

How do you start respect forming without any common-ground?

Usually, we don’t always share direct experiences with our team. Different backgrounds, ages, cultures, work interests. Rarely is there a history where respect has had a real chance to form. So how do you achieve this when you have little or nothing in common?

Firstly, let’s look at the top traits leaders have that cause the opposite, disrespect. If you relate to any of these then odds are your respect with people will be suffering. Do you practice, even slightly;

• Double standards

• Inconsistency

• Being too nice

• Not being nice enough

• Rushing personal meetings / reviews

• Poor work ethic or ability

• An arrogant or superior attitude

• Hold meetings that clearly don’t factor other people’s needs

• Not listening to others

• Don’t give or encourage feedback

• Easily critical, reluctant to reward

• Others feeling you have no intent to help

• Belittling others, either inside or outside the operation

• Prioritising client, investor or revenue opportunities over team members

• Give any signs you don’t respect people, at any level

• Unrealistic demands or expectations

• Disagreeing with others consistently or publicly

Take a hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what you’re doing or saying that could be causing any ill feeling or resentment. You may not even be aware of it, so I encourage talking this through with your coach or mentor.

If you’re feeling brave, ask your team as well. No better feedback than the horse’s mouth.

When someone has a personal opinion of us that’s negative, it will be VERY hard to get genuine buy-in from them for anything meaningful, if at all. You’ll get compliance most likely, but consistent or high tier results when you delegate will evade you. This is something a lot of leaders simply don’t realise – on the surface we might feel totally unrelated to our people, but standards and behaviour cross many boundaries and they speak a lot louder than you think.

To change someone’s opinion of us takes time and effort. Proof is in the pudding as they say, so you’ll first need to ‘walk and talk’ of the standards and attitude you expect of others. That won’t guarantee they respect you, but I promise you, if you don’t, they won’t.

Exercise – Walking the talk (approx 30mins)

Take a moment now and write down the top 3 behaviours and standards you expect of your people.

To be clear, an example of each would be;

Behaviour – “I expect my team to pay attention in meetings”

Standards – “I expect people working by 9am”

Note – a behaviour is a general approach or intent, a standard is a measurable component.

Once you have the list, ask yourself – how do my standards and behaviour stack up with what I’m expecting from them? What could I possibly be saying or doing that is contradictory or setting the wrong example?

For instance, you might want everyone to keep working till 5pm, but have noticed they mostly slow down at 4 and it’s affecting productivity. You won’t be able to change this is your behaviour (even if seemingly unrelated to this situation) contradicts it.

Client Example – One of my recent clients, the owner of a financial management firm, wanted their 2IC to be less invested in office politics and more focused on their role. The problem was said client was the leader in situ and would spend much of his time dealing with menial clients well below his paygrade.

Can you see the problem?

He was setting the standard through his behaviour that it was ok to spend time with trivial matters. Different situational context to the 2IC, but standards cross situations with ease. You do NOT want to be worthy of one of these:

Look back over what you wrote down in that exercise.

Did you see any areas where you might be causing problems? 

This does require a degree of humility and honesty with yourself, so give the exercise the time and space to sink in. More often that you’d think, our biggest complaints about others are rooted in a behaviour of our own that we would wish were different.

Once you’re comfortable you’ve gotten a good handle on what you expect of others, but might not be practicing yourself, we can dig deeper..

Exercise – Keeping in check (approx 30mins)

I want you to write out your job description from your employees perspective. 

You can make this as detailed as you like, but I want you to keep the focus on what they expect from you. How well do you really know what they need from you both personally and professionally as a leader?

An example of this might be;

“I expect (YOU) to be diligent in what you do. To be open to feedback. Set tasks you know are reasonable. Approve our holiday leave more than a week out!”

Whatever you believe they would say, write it down. Again, discuss this with your coach and mentor for best results and if feeling brave, with your team as well. As I said before, no better feedback than from the people in situ. 

If you do ask your team, pay attention to their first few answers as they will always tell you what you really need to listen to.

If you’ve made it this far, you might be feeling a bit picked on. I’ve no wish to make this hard, but if we skip the groundwork, your results will suffer for it. So well done for being open, I’ve no doubt it will have shown a few areas that you can address as well as some that hopefully need no change whatsoever.

How do I change my counter-productive behaviour?

How to get people to respect and buy-in to you isn’t an exact science, but there is a decision for you to make.

The decision point for you is to decide whether or not to treat this type of work and development and interest in your people with reverence or casual abandon. The latter is the road to every whinge a leader has about their work. So make this choice a good one, at least make it consciously. Invest or go home.

If you’re in, let’s keep going…

First, look at your work and feedback from these first two exercises. What were the big ticket items? Were there any consistencies or themes? What’s the big complaint you feel hangs over you? 

This might even seem small to you, but it can be huge to others and its their POV we need to consider here.

What was the BIG one?

Let’s say your biggest issue is that you’re inconsistent. You say one thing, but another always seems to play out. Whatever it is, have a look at your week coming and try to find 2 or 3 times or circumstances where you know a new and better standard is critical for you to hold, and hold it.

Don’t make a song and dance routine out of it, integrity doesn’t need fanfare. In this example, just commit to doing something and do it. On time, to the standard you set for yourself, and expect no accolade other than from your own ego. Whatever your new standard has to be, make a small step but a solid one. Our mind is also wired to protect us against change, so be prepared for it to try and sabotage you.

This is where a coach or mentor is invaluable to keep you accountable.

Once you start to bring awareness of unhelpful standards in yourself to light and address them, you’ll have made a start.

This will also help remove the hypocrite excuse. If you’ve come across this before, you’ll know what I mean. When delegating or giving critical feedback to someone, they’re able to throw it right back in your face. Eg;

You – “Simon, I appreciate the time you put into this report, but I asked for it by 5pm Tuesday. We’re now Wednesday afternoon, why didn’t you tell me you needed more time?”

Simon – “I didn’t think that was the way we did things around here. You never tell us when a meeting is going to be changed, you just change it last minute”

Your credibility, gone. True, Simon isn’t owning his role in delivering late, he’s externalising. But he also has a point and, as a leader, you’ve got nowhere to hide from it.

Avoid this by first fixing the holes in the bottom of your own ship.

This process will take time, so don’t pause the work here while you tweak your standards. We’ll move on, but do keep the discussion about this type of thing open and active with your coach or mentor. 

It’s a thousand times harder to do it in your head. Onto section 2 and the plot thickens…

How do I work with someone’s self interest?

Ready to open a real can of worms? 

As I said, people are funny bastards and we’re selfish creatures too, every last one of us. 

The difference is in how that materialises as there are two kinds of self interest – resourceful and unresourceful. 

It’s critical to know the difference.

To be resourceful, or not..

Someone bulk-buying supplies during a pandemic is acting selfishly. This is considered unresourceful because nobody bar them benefits. They’re satisfying their own fear and the greater good isn’t considered. 

A person who spearheads a campaign to cure disease in a developing country can also be said to be selfish. How? Well, they’re acting fully because of something they believe in (much like our bulk-buyer above), however the difference is other people and the greater good also benefit. 

This is called being resourcefully selfish. They are still acting chiefly on how they feel (selfish), but with a universally good outcome (resourceful).

Appreciate that people are a mixed bag too, which makes this more fun. A huge part of successfully delegating is recognising which traits people have that either help, or hinder their decisions.

How self-interest plays out

This is an example of what could be going through someone’s brain when having a conversation with you, and it’s only a sample! Can you spot which thoughts are resourceful and not?

• Christ, I wish (YOU) would get to the point!
• Why am I being asked this AGAIN!?
• If this comes off, it’ll make Dave’s new client so happy
• I gotta pee, will this take long?
• I wish Jane were here, she’d know what to say
• This could go wrong in SO many ways
• Maybe I can get Rob to help me here, he’s great with this stuff
• I’m going to nail this
• This is freaking me out, whatever happens, I hope this is wrapped up quick!
• OMG, I totally cannot believe I’m being asked this. How cool is that!?
• I want pizza
• Hang on, wait, what did you want me to do again?

On the outside, they look like this…

But internally, it’s more like…

As a leader, recognise that some of these are situational thoughts, but some will be more consistent for this person. These more consistent drivers will have leverage over this person’s behaviour over time, every time.

Exercise – Selfish traits intro (approx 10mins)

Ask yourself a few questions in relation to that sample list above. In that situation;

• Which ones do you think would benefit from being addressed? Either to help a person work through them, or to nurture them further?

• Which of their thoughts are resourcefully selfish and also not?

• Which ones would be a high priority for them but not even make it on your radar when delegating?

Being able to understand and even predict what someone values and wants gives you incredible leverage when communicating and delegating. It will allow you to structure conversations to their core drivers and increase their emotive buy-in to a task. 

But the real perk is the vantage point it will give you to be able to develop their self-resolve, their trust in themselves. When you can see and pick up things that they can’t, but know are true, rapport deepens, trust starts to form. 

I mean, who among us doesn’t value being heard or appreciated by someone they feel ‘gets us’? 

But it’s not easy. The best way to learn how to do this starts internally. We need to become VERY AWARE of the ways our own selfishness and self-interest plays out and then we’ll be better placed to see it in others. 

WARNING – If you rush this, the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach, I promise you, this will go south and FAST. You cannot fake genuine self-awareness. It’s a painful, often arse-kicking experience. As it should be. Suck it up and go for it, or bail. But don’t do either half-arsed.

Exercise – Our selfish traits (approx 20mins)

The selfish spectrum

What traits of the two ends of the selfish leadership spectrum do you relate to when it comes to delegating?

Leaders who delegate resourcefully for instance, normally run through a quick mental check-list like this;

• Is there a growth opportunity here and if so, who would most benefit from it?
• Who would be most likely able to complete this task to the highest level?
• What damage could I do to the team if I choose A over B?
• Has anyone expressed an interest to do this already?
• What are my needs from this delegation?
• What does a perfect and awful result look like?
• What’s the fallout for the company / team and me if the result goes poorly?

They’re a lot of things you need to get the result, whilst at the same time ensuring that you’re always able to develop your team, make high quality decisions and get the best outcome for the business. There’s also consideration from multiple viewpoints.

Resourceful.

1. By contrast, a leader who delegates unresourcefully might run a mental check-list like this one;

• I want to stay in control, so how can I do this with as few people as possible?
• I don’t trust anyone else to do this as well as me
• Nobody will do it to my standard, so I guess I’ll have to!
• I’m overwhelmed, who can do this NOW!?
• Who knows this situation better than me?
• I need to this done NOW because of ABC reason, who’s free?

Can you feel the difference? Sometimes, even if we don’t fully know it, our mental check-list is more self-serving and unresourceful than it should be.

If you relate to the latter then know there may be great and convincing reasons why you might tell yourself such things, and situationally, you may also be right. 

But long term, if these are your go-to rules for how you delegate (or don’t), then you ring bells of having an unresourceful mindset and that will reflect in your decisions, your behaviour and in the way others act around and treat you. Unresourceful thinking always leads to poor standards and now things start to get… fucky.

People will always reflect our lowest standard, remember? And if ours are poor, expect problems.

Example of a standards problem;

Derek in marketing is always keeping client conversations between himself and nobody else, thinking he’s maintaining quality, but you can see it’s overloading him. However, you’re in no position to be able to help him if you also INSIST on handling the payroll yourself. You’ll most likely be too blind to the REAL problem Derek has, because you have the same one, only with different symptoms.

Different context, same standard. Watch out for these.

Fear, doubt and uncertainty ripple through unresourceful thought processes like this one and they are the cancer and eventual death of growth in any organisation. 

So which “one” are you more like?

To be fair, most leaders have elements of both ends of the spectrum. Normally, we want to trust others more, but don’t feel we can, so we keep things closer to home. Good intent, but cripples productivity. 

Look at your diary for the next week. What tasks, events, meetings or *whatever* do you have in there that you are keeping for unresourceful reasons? Possibly to protect your value or feel wanted? Or to ensure quality when nobody else is allowed to intervene? Perhaps to sate your ego or because “nobody else can do this”?

Scary stuff, right?

There are things we need to do ourselves, or that we enjoy doing. Nothing wrong with either.

But many of these tasks are there because we haven’t trained or developed our talent. Can’t trust someone if they don’t have the skills, and so our unresourceful reasoning gets validated. Welcome to self-sabotage-land, and it’s heavily populated. There’s a Post Office and everything…

A lot of leaders get stuck feeling safe and valued too. I relate. But it’s capping growth and very hard to count the cost of the deals and people you lose because of your ego.

Ok Paul, I think I suck. What can I do about it?

If you’re feel you tend on occasion (or more) more towards the unresourceful end of the spectrum, talk this through with your coach or mentor. Ask yourself what you’re hanging on to that needs to change. There’s no foe as big as our own ego, but the bastard does have a weak-spot. 

We always have the power to choose to change. And that process starts with reflection and awareness.

Pro tip;

Decide on YOUR standards for self-interest

To understand self-interest in others and delegate better, we first need to firm handle on our own. This all starts with setting a standard along the lines of how you’ll own your own shit and be aware of how you think and what you want and how those desires play out in your actions and language. How will you choose to explore your self-interest? How much does it matter to you?

We all have self-interest guys and it’s healthy. The trouble for leaders is that we can be so buried in chaos, we don’t see it in others, which limits our effectiveness to lead, help them, serve any greater good and you guessed it – delegate.

Once you become more aware of your own self-interest and can see ways that you both resourcefully and unresourcefully think, a few things will happen.

• It will heighten your awareness of how you act
• The way you listen and react will change
• You’ll start to feel more confident in yourself

So what does this mean?

As a result of this, the way you see and lead others will also start to shift. I’ve seen these type of things play out when a leader does this type of work; 

• Able to recognise what someone really wants

• Understand what motivates them to action

• Anticipate requests or objections

• Help them control what they can control

• Be accountable to themselves

• Overcome blockages where they’re holding themselves back

• Work out if they really want something or if it’s not good for them

• Focus on the greater good

• Develop better communication skills

• Oh, and because they’ll feel like you’re present, listening AND give a shit about them, they’re MUCH easier to delegate to. Just as a side benefit.

Who wouldn’t want a mentor like that? 

And that’s really the aim here guys, to become someone’s mentor, their trusted advisor.

Someone they turn to for leadership and guidance. Once you start to build that type of relationship, you can bypass a lot of their mental chatter, move up the priority level in their mind and delegation becomes just the tip of the iceberg.

Have a little faith in yourself that your unresourcefulness isn’t set in stone. All things can change, the point of difference is you wanting to change it. Past that, you’ll find whatever toolkit you need to get the job done.

This week, as well as the self-reflective work, try this exercise to help build awareness of self-interest;

Exercise – Conversational Awareness (approx 30mins)

When in a conversation, with anyone – professional or otherwise, take a few seconds in the middle and ask yourself some questions like these;

• What is this person feeling right now?

• Where is their self interest coming through and how?

• Might they need help from me to get there, or are they just wanting to be heard?

• What are they really saying to me that I could so easily be missing?

Also turn the focus inwards;

• What am I feeling about what they’re saying?

• Are any buttons of mine being pushed?

• Do I feel a need to validate, withdraw, scream – what?

• What am I possibly communicating to them through my tonality, my body language?

The point is NOT for you to suddenly become somebody’s shrink. Nobody likes being analysed, so don’t vocalise your thoughts. Just try to notice where this person could be at. Less of what they’re saying verbally, and more how they’re saying it. Don’t panic if your brain feels a bit like this, it’ll get easier with practice.

How do I know if someone knows what the hell I’m actually talking about?

Good question Paul, glad you asked. This comes down to the ROI of our communication.

What is communication ROI?

Communication has no value save for those with whom it registers. It doesn’t matter how eloquent our words, or well-intentioned. The other person decides its meaning and value, always.

Meaning that it’s what they DO with the information that counts.

Sometimes speaking clearly and directly is enough.

Eg; “Can you please grab a skinny latte, extra shot?” This can work, don’t get me wrong. It can, but it’s effectiveness is limited to low end requests.

“Jules, can you please finish chapter 211-231 of the Compton report, don’t forget to fix the balance in the front end projections, and email it to David, Anne and Richard (his home email only please) before 4pm Friday and CC in me, Jessica and anyone else who needs to know? Let me know if you get stuck. Cheers.”

Yeah, good luck with that. But complexity of the request ISN’T the problem.

Giving someone any information or instruction when you delegate (however simple or complex) doesn’t mean they understood it, see the value, feel your same need of urgency or anything else. It also doesn’t mean they will learn anything or that there’s any greater good in play. It doesn’t mean they have any buy-in. 

When you give someone basic info and they acknowledge it, that means they registered we spoke to them.

And that’s it. 

Which is where many leaders trip up. They assume that when they say to someone – “the sky is blue”, that people hear, “the sky is blue”.

Not always. As anyone who has delegated (or been in a relationship with anyone else, ever) will tell you.

How to change that

The goal with developing delegation and rapport with your people is not just to communicate instruction, it is to make the result of that communication yield high value. Which means if possible, also making it an opportunity to service the greater good at the same time.

How?

Assuming you have actively engaged in the type of exercises and work so far, it’s time to put the final key in the lock. And this key has 3 parts. 

Firstly, start holding conversations to engage someone’s brain, not talk at it.

Do you remember those University lectures where you were bored to tears after 20mins? There’s a reason for that. But do you also remember classes or times when the environment was engaging, you lost track of time and enjoyed the experience?

The difference is, in one setting, you were engaged – the other not. 

We are going to pinch some of that base psychology. 

Secondly, the frame. 

We are also going to need to frame the conversation so that the onus of responsibility and accountability is with the other person.

Eg; – I remember an interview with the actor Tom Hanks when he was discussing his relationship with directors. His biggest whinge was that that would try to control how he would play the part in advance. 

Many arguments would ensue and he would finally have to say to them;

“You’ve hired me as an actor. I know the script and appreciate the result you want. Let me give it a shot first, I might surprise you, and if then you don’t like it, we’ll re-do it”

When we engage people in the design, let them take ownership and accountability for something, they develop a vested interest in the quality and outcome. 

All of this happens once you understand how to use self-accountability. This is the leadership approach of having other people hold themselves accountable to the results they’ve told you they’re going to deliver. 

Let that sink in for a second. The results THEY’VE told you THEY’RE going to deliver.

Thirdly, crystal clear, simple communication.

Once we are in the right frame of discussion with someone, we’re going to use high quality, clear communication to ensure the course they’re plotting is on track with where we need them to go and tweak as needed given our vantage point of the bigger picture considerations.

So many leaders abdicate responsibility because they’ve been told to let people ‘write their own music’, only to find the composition doesn’t fit the audience. We need to course correct their ship as they sail it.

Best illustrated through client example;

David is the a CEO of a Startup. They are breaking into a new market for their SaaS offering and he needs his Sales Manager, Justin, to finish preparing the pitch to deliver in 3 days time to the new prospect. David’s on his 4th coffee of the day and well over being able to think straight. 

The two are good friends as well and sometimes David really struggles delegating to Justin and getting good results. He doesn’t want to rock the boat and when the workload is high he quite often just snaps and rolls with, “Mate, can you please just get it done”. Or sometimes he just avoids the conversation altogether and works late to finish it off himself. Balancing autocratic and conversational styles is something he’s actually pretty good at, but it could be better.

He’s not terrible at delegating, but it upsets him that it weighs on his mind as it does. His usual approach is pretty common. He thinks about the task, the timeframe and tries to anticipate the main variables. 

When he sees Justin, he covers all this logically and it usually comes out something like this;

“Hey Justin, I need a hand with something. I’ve got this ABC thing that needs to be sent over to XYZ before 123. I’m buried here right now, can I get you to have a look at it and finish it off please before tomorrow night?”

Note – nothing wrong with that. This type of frame is polite, has a time indicator, it’s clear, comes from a good place. It’s similar to how most leaders would delegate.

But still, David’s results from this approach are average. 

It’s not that Justin’s an idiot, far from it. He’s a VERY smart bloke, but still, David already knows that it’s hit and miss whether Justin will do anything perfectly on time or to the standard he wants.

So what’s wrong?

What’s missing here isn’t good intent. There’s just no engagement from Justin, no frame control or self-accountability and although David’s communication is direct, it’s also lacking.

The problem is David is attempting to logic his way through getting another human being to want to help him. Trying to get an emotional result from a logical position. Tricky. A want is a feeling, a request is logical. Oil / water. 

With a self-accountable reframe, a different outcome is possible. Plus more info for David on things like Justin’s capacity, motivation and intent to help can also become more visible.

Example;

This is how this could go down. David’s words to Justin are in black and I’ll notate in blue.

“Hey Justin, I need a hand with something. What do you know about the ABC thing for XYZ?”

Right off the cuff, David has engaged Justin’s brain to respond and think, not just listen. This is the start of the buy-in. Justin will probably give a fairly coherent answer given they work closely together.

“Yeah that’s about right, it’s got to be on JKL’s desk by 7pm tomorrow. Could I ask you to please finish it off for me?”

Notice David isn’t apologising or excusing himself. This is a polite, but direct request. There’s also enough information for Justin to consider his schedule and deliver an informed reply. Also note how the sentence ends – “for me?”. At the end of the day, when we delegate, we’re ALWAYS asking – “can you do this FOR ME?” Not the business or client, it’s for us. This is why personal buy-in makes or breaks this.

“Thanks mate, much appreciated. What do you know about the timeframes and bullet points?”

Again, David’s not assuming, he’s asking Justin to tell him what he knows about the project. If there is an info gap here, it’ll become apparent. But what’s important is that the person who’s going to be doing the work is talking about it. Also Justin is again brought further into the conversation by having to think, not just listen. Assuming he answers with a level of confidence David can proceed;

“Sounds good, only alteration I’d make to that would be 789 for 123 reason. 

This is David’s chance to make a course correction and add any info Justin needs. Justin is more receptive by this point, so there’s a high chance it’ll land. Now for intent.

“Alright mate, sounds good. How are you going to put it to bed?”

This is David asking Justin to give him HIS timeframes and deadlines around when JUSTIN says JUSTIN will finish the work. Note, David still has the chance to change this, but he’s first asking Justin what his plan is. Also, the language – “how are YOU going to….” Self accountability in action. Assuming Justin has now demonstrated the ability, capacity and intent to help, David can sign this off.

“Legendary Justin, thank you. I really appreciate this, it means a lot. Call if you need me, ok? I’ll be free tomorrow before 10 or grab me on lunch, all good?”

Notice the subtle ending STILL has a frame element to it?

A question just to polish this off with a heartfelt thank you as well. Ending with a question too always invites someone else to have to do a few things. Listen, think and then reply. David is also letting Justin know he’s available for question and when it’s bets to get him if needed.

Exercise – Comparison to your style (approx 20mins)

Notice the 3 stages that are present in this example. 

David engages Justin (step 1), he uses self accountability (step 2) and then he course corrects to ensure the outcome he needs with clear language (step 3).

His structure here is good, but can you see how it would be all the stronger based on his relationship with Justin? Don’t skip the groundwork guys, it’s the rock under all your hard work. When you need personal buy-in for a quality result, it hinges chiefly on the quality of your relationship with whomever you’re asking to do something for you.

Take a moment to think back over a conversation you had recently when delegating. What steps, if any, did you miss? Did you do more listening or talking? Did you imply or use any self-accountability? Was the other person listening and obeying, or were they bought into you?

Notice how most leaders skip straight to a variation of step 3 when they delegate – “Please just do this?”. They’re missing ALL the ground work, which is why this usually all falls flat on its arse.

Conclusion

I sincerely hope that you have seen elements in your leadership style and how you delegate that work well and perhaps some that could be worked on. This isn’t about perfecting your approach.

This is about understanding and developing how well you communicate, with yourself and others. This type of work yields results both in and out of the office too. I’ve seen fantastic outcomes with clients over the years with their friends, their network, their kids. It raises self-awareness, which yields returns in many ways.

Nothing like having a conversation with a child about ice-cream to hammer home that communication is EVERYTHING!

I sincerely hope this has helped guys and I wish you all the best continuing the conversation with your coach or mentor.

Thank you for reading!

Paul

Paul Charter is a specialty CEO coach helping leaders reach target metrics by mastering self-awareness and interpersonal communication.

You can read about Paul here, or connect with him here.